Women looking for a Mr Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr -Second Best or a Mr Right Now.

女人一旦年過(guò)三十，就不要再苦苦尋找Mr. Right了，如果能找到差不多的或者處于現(xiàn)在進(jìn)行時(shí)的，就該定下來(lái)了。

Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough, which is published in the UK next week, believes women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future.

Lori Gottlieb寫了一本書，名叫《嫁給他：找個(gè)夠好的就行了》。這本書下周即將在英國(guó)發(fā)售，她認(rèn)為一個(gè)女人如果一定要找到一個(gè)能讓自己陷入一段深深的浪漫的愛情才結(jié)婚，通常都落得孤獨(dú)終身的下場(chǎng)。

"The theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is – look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality," writes Gottlieb, a 40-year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her search for the perfect man.

Gottlieb本人是一個(gè)四十歲的單身媽媽，她寫道，“堅(jiān)持尋找真愛的想法已經(jīng)滲透到了我們的靈魂（誰(shuí)知道真愛是啥——看看現(xiàn)在的離婚率），”她在尋找完美男人期間拒絕了很多“完全可以接受但是不感興趣”的人，她現(xiàn)在承認(rèn)很希望自己早就和這樣的人定下來(lái)。

"My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child)," she writes.

她寫道，“我的夢(mèng)想，像我媽媽和她媽媽一樣，曾經(jīng)是墜入愛河、結(jié)婚、然后從此過(guò)上幸福快樂的日子。當(dāng)然，女人到了現(xiàn)在這種時(shí)代和年齡不喜歡承認(rèn)這一點(diǎn)，但是，你問(wèn)問(wèn)任何愿意吐露心聲的四十歲的異性戀女人，她們一生中最想要什么，通常她不會(huì)說(shuō)想要更好的事業(yè)、更細(xì)的小蠻腰或者更大的房子。最有可能的是，她會(huì)說(shuō)她非常想要個(gè)老公（再說(shuō)開一點(diǎn)，一個(gè)孩子）”。

Gottlieb's book is based on an article she wrote in 2008 for the Atlantic magazine. The piece created such a sensation that it was picked up by Oprah Winfrey's O magazine and polarised readers. The debate caught the attention of Warner Independent and Tobey Maguire's Maguire Entertainment, which bought the book and film rights. Maguire intends to produce the film himself.

Gottlieb的書是在她2008年寫給《亞特蘭大》雜志的一篇文章的基礎(chǔ)上寫成的。這篇文章造成了轟動(dòng)，奧普拉把這篇文章收入到自己的雜志《O》里面，在讀者中也造成了兩極分化的討論。這場(chǎng)討論引起了華納獨(dú)立影業(yè)和托比·馬圭爾的馬圭爾娛樂的注意，他們買下了這本書的版權(quán)和拍成電影的權(quán)利。馬圭爾想自己制作這部電影。

Gottlieb blames feminism for the number of women who find themselves alone after spending years holding out for their white knight. To the outside world, says Gottlieb, these women still insist they are self-sufficient. "But in reality, we aren't fish who can do without a bicycle; we're women who want a traditional family," she writes. "Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried."

現(xiàn)在有很多女人經(jīng)年累月尋找白馬王子最后只能獨(dú)身一人，Gottlieb 為此責(zé)備女權(quán)主義者。Gottlieb說(shuō)，這些女人對(duì)外界仍然堅(jiān)稱她們是自我滿足的，“但是事實(shí)上，我們不是不需要自行車的魚，我們是需要一個(gè)傳統(tǒng)家庭的女人，”她寫道，“我認(rèn)識(shí)的每個(gè)女人——不管多成功多有野心，經(jīng)濟(jì)上和心理上多么安全——如果到了30歲還沒結(jié)婚，都會(huì)覺得恐慌，偶爾還會(huì)伴隨著絕望?！?/div>

It is not just feminism that has betrayed women by telling them they could have it all, said Gottlieb: every book, film and television show that perpetuates the myth of combining romantic love with a happy-ever-after ending – from Jane Austen to Friends – has done women a great and dangerous disservice.

Gottlieb說(shuō)，告訴女人她們可以擁有一切，這么背叛她們的不只是女權(quán)主義者，每一本書、每部電影和電視劇——從簡(jiǎn)·奧斯汀到老友記都表現(xiàn)了浪漫愛情和永遠(yuǎn)幸福的結(jié)尾組合在一起的神話，而這個(gè)神話的永垂不久給女人幫了一個(gè)巨大又危險(xiǎn)的倒忙。

"We're conditioned to crave that Big Love. It's painful how pervasive the fantasy is that The One is out there," she said. "We grew up idealising marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. So we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy."

“我們被決定去追求偉大的愛情。人生中的唯一就在某個(gè)地方，這種神話如此普遍，這令人非常痛苦，”她說(shuō)，“我們長(zhǎng)大了把婚姻理想化了，但是如果我們事先擁有的是對(duì)婚姻那種冷冰冰的、艱難的東西有更現(xiàn)實(shí)的理解的話，我們會(huì)走上完全不同的道路。結(jié)果我們放棄了哪些讓人不太感興趣的關(guān)系，那本來(lái)會(huì)讓我們幸福的。”

She even claims that settling for Mr Second Best could make women happier in the long run. "When we're holding out for romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier," she writes. "But marry-ing Mr Good Enough might be equally viable, especially if you're looking for a reliable life companion.

她甚至說(shuō)，找個(gè)第二選擇結(jié)婚從長(zhǎng)久來(lái)看會(huì)讓女人更幸福?！爱?dāng)我們堅(jiān)持尋找浪漫愛情的時(shí)候，我們會(huì)有幻覺這種熱情和激情會(huì)讓我們更幸福，”她寫道。“但是嫁給一個(gè)足夠好的人也是可行的，尤其是你在尋找一生的伴侶的時(shí)候?！?/div>

"What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business. And I mean this in a good way."

“一段好的婚姻并不需要一段浪漫的關(guān)系，婚姻并不是激情的聚會(huì)，婚姻是合伙運(yùn)營(yíng)一個(gè)非常小的、世俗的、通常很乏味又不盈利的公司。我這么說(shuō)是好意?！?/div>

But fellow author Elizabeth Gilbert believes that women are wrong to believe marriage will make them happy. In her new book, Committed: A Sceptic Makes Peace with Marriage, she writes: "We marry most often because we are in love and we think it will make us happy. Yet married women are more likely to suffer from depression than are single women.

但是作家Elizabeth Gilbert認(rèn)為女人覺得婚姻會(huì)讓她們幸福就是錯(cuò)的。在她的新書中，她寫道“我們結(jié)婚通常都是因?yàn)槲覀儜賽哿?，我們覺得結(jié)婚會(huì)讓我們幸福。然而結(jié)了婚的女人比起單身女人來(lái)說(shuō)更容易陷入絕望?！?/div>

"Married women are not as successful in their careers as single women."

“已婚女性在職場(chǎng)上沒有單身女性那么成功。”

She adds: "The fact is women generally lose in the exchange of vows."

她說(shuō)：“事實(shí)是，在交換誓言的時(shí)候女性通常就是輸?shù)囊环健！?/div>

滬江小編：對(duì)待婚姻，雖然不能隨意而為，不過(guò)也不能太苛求完美，畢竟人說(shuō)，騎著白馬的不都是王子，還有唐僧。歡迎發(fā)表評(píng)論。


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