?"General Motors says they won't need the $2 billion bailout money after all. Apparently they're getting great returns with some guy named Madoff." -- Craig Ferguson (09.3.12)”
通用汽車(chē)公司說(shuō)，其實(shí)他們并不再需要那筆20億美元的緊急援助了。顯然他們從某個(gè)叫做麥道夫的家伙那里得到了巨大回報(bào)?！?/p>

"Well, in a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they'll show you how to turn it into $8 billion. See this is capitalism!" -- Jay Leno (09.3.10)
"一個(gè)驚人的消息，花旗集團(tuán)報(bào)告上季度盈利了，這是2007年以來(lái)表現(xiàn)最好的季度。他們一個(gè)季度就獲利80億美元。這正是說(shuō)明，給一家公司450億美元的財(cái)政援助，他們就能把它變成80億美元?？?，這就是資本主義！”

"How about this satellite they just launched that will look for Earth-like planets in our galaxy that might contain life? They say they're trying to answer the question, 'Is there intelligent life on other planets, and if there is, will they loan us money?'" -- Jay Leno (09.3.9)
“知道新發(fā)射的那顆衛(wèi)星嗎，說(shuō)是去尋找銀河系里其他和地球一樣有生命的行星的那顆？據(jù)說(shuō)他們?cè)谠噲D尋找這樣一個(gè)問(wèn)題的答案，到底有沒(méi)有具備智慧的生命生存在其他行星上？如果有的話(huà)，他們會(huì)不會(huì)貸些款給我們嗎？“

"A new poll indicates that Americans are now less religious than ever before. But I think people are more religious now because all you have to do is take a look at your 401(k) and you start shouting, 'Oh, God! Oh God!'" -- David Letterman? (09.3.9)
“一項(xiàng)新的民意調(diào)查顯示，美國(guó)人現(xiàn)在比以往任何時(shí)候都缺乏宗教信仰。但是我認(rèn)為美國(guó)同胞們現(xiàn)在更信奉宗教了，因?yàn)槟阒恍杩纯茨愕耐诵萁鹳~戶(hù)401(k)，你就會(huì)開(kāi)始高喊：'哦，上帝！我的上帝?。　?/p>

"This weekend is Daylight Savings Time. ... You're going to lose an hour of sleep, and then I thought but what the hell, you've pretty much lost everything else. But not everyone sets their clocks ahead. Not everyone. No, no, no, no, no. On Wall Street, they've already set their clocks back to 1929." -- David Letterman? (09.3.6-7)
“本周末是冬夏時(shí)調(diào)整日。 ...你將會(huì)失去一個(gè)小時(shí)的睡眠，不過(guò)我想，管它哪，反正你已經(jīng)差不多失去了一切。但并非每個(gè)人都要將鐘表調(diào)前一小時(shí)的。不是每個(gè)人。不，不，不。在華爾街上，他們?cè)缫寻阉麄兊溺姳碚{(diào)回到了1929年。”

"According to a new study, people are sleeping less because they're worried about the economy. I think also it might have something to do with the fact they're sleeping under bridges." -- Craig Ferguson (09.3.5)
“根據(jù)一項(xiàng)新的調(diào)查顯示，人們由于擔(dān)心經(jīng)濟(jì)，現(xiàn)在睡眠越來(lái)越少了。我想這也許還有一個(gè)原因，他們現(xiàn)在都睡在橋下了吧?！?/p>

"I'll tell you how bad the economy is. Listen, I was in Beverly Hills, and I saw a guy driving an American car." --Jay Leno (09.3.4)
“讓我來(lái)告訴你們經(jīng)濟(jì)有多糟?？矗翘煸谪惛ダ角f，我居然看見(jiàn)一個(gè)家伙開(kāi)著一輛美國(guó)車(chē)?！?/p>

"Despite the recession, Microsoft is planning to open stores to compete with Apple. Microsoft says that they'll be just like the Apple stores, except the staff will freeze when you ask them a question." --Jimmy Fallon? (09.3.2)
“盡管目前經(jīng)濟(jì)衰退，微軟公司正在計(jì)劃開(kāi)設(shè)店鋪，準(zhǔn)備和蘋(píng)果公司一決雌雄。微軟公司表示，他們的店鋪將會(huì)像蘋(píng)果公司的店鋪一模一樣，嗯，除了當(dāng)你向店員提問(wèn)的時(shí)候，店員會(huì)像Windows那樣...突然卡住?！?/p>

"Well, according to the financial columnist Liz Peek, who writes for the 'Wall Street Weekly,' Wall Street is giving President Obama an 'F' for his first month in office. George W. Bush was furious when he heard about this. He said, 'Hey, that's easy to do for one month. You try to maintain that 'F' for eight straight years, okay? Then call me. That's when we'll talk.'" --Jay Leno? (09.3.2)
“據(jù)華爾街周刊金融專(zhuān)欄作家皮克報(bào)道，華爾街給奧巴馬總統(tǒng)第一個(gè)月的任職表現(xiàn)評(píng)分為‘F’。前總統(tǒng)布什聽(tīng)到后非常氣憤，他說(shuō)： '嘿，得一個(gè)月的'F'，那是很容易的。您試試連續(xù)八年得‘F看看，你能做到嗎？做到了再打電話(huà)給我。那時(shí)你才能和我平起平坐吶?！?/p>

"A huge blizzard covered the East Coast with 10 inches of snow. Police said there would've been traffic jams if people still had jobs to go to." --Craig Ferguson
“一場(chǎng)巨大的暴雪席卷了東海岸，積雪高達(dá)10英寸。警方表示，幸好許多人沒(méi)有工作，不然的話(huà)就會(huì)造成交通堵塞了?！?/p>